Daily Archives: October 4, 2015

Merry Go Round (as delivered at the South Georgia Center for Cancer Care Survivors’ Benefit concert)

My head is down

I’m driven and focused

I’m a mom, a wife, a friend

I am invincible

I sit on committees

I volunteer time

I’m a business owner and employee

I go

My life is hectic.

 

I schedule a breast screening.

STOP!

 

This isn’t possible

I don’t do sick

I don’t have time for cancer

Who will run my business?

Who will walk my dog?

Who will clean my house?

The questions of How? Who? What? swirl

 

No! It’s not possible

No! Now what?

No! Who is best?

No! What is best?

 

They all say “It’s your body”

“It’s your decision”

I don’t want to decide

I don’t want cancer

I don’t want this

 

I must

I tell myself I must

I really must

I think I can

Can I?

I will

It is possible

I can do this, right?

I decide I want to do this

I need to do this

I can’t do this

STOP

 

No, no I don’t want to do this

Well, maybe I can

I think I can

I know I can

I can, I really, really can

I make my decision

No more research

No more Google searches

Fewer doubts

Fewer fears

 

Surgery is done

 

Now I heal

Now I rest

I pray

People pray

I am healing.

 

I hurt

And I cry

Then I dry my tears

And I rest.

I breathe.

 

My new questions:

What could I learn?

Who could I help?

How could this change lives?

It has changed mine.

I am grateful

I push myself

I strive for more

I grow

I share

I survive

I thrive

 

I am alive.